O Romeo, Where Art Thou?
by Tsaritsa'Ryeya
Summary: Calista and Ike are the stars of this Romeo and Juliet... But wait! Why is Ike in a dress? Why is Cyan trying to rape Ceres? Why does Kai always piss off Miette? Shakespeare is rolling in his grave at my retelling of his tragic love story. T for stuff.
1. Chapter 1

**O Romeo, Where Art Thou?**

Summary: The story of Romeo and Juliet, twisted, and made into awesome perfection. With me as the narrator, what could possibly go wrong? EVERY-FREAKING-THING!  
Rating: T+  
Warnings?: OC Story, insults, offensive content, killing, people being stupid, Cyan rapes Ceres, cross dressing, making out, swearing, and 'yo momma' jokes.

**

* * *

Act I: Prologue, Scene I and Scene II**

_Prologue__  
_Here lays fair Verona, a city laying in ruins. Two households both reside here: the Montagues and the Capulets. Feuding for centuries, one must ask when it will be over?

…

Just so you idiots know, it has been over. Actually, this story is all made up. Yeah, Capulet and Montague never existed in reality. Juliet's wall is the 'supposed' house where she would be. Pshaw. If your family is THAT rich, why would you have a balcony THAT small?

Listen kiddies, my version of Romeo and Juliet is the shit. We have everything you could ask for! Pull up a chair, this could take two or so hours.

_

* * *

Act I, Scene I_

We stumble upon the crowded streets of Verona, Italy. It's probably afternoon, and for all we know, someone could've just died. We see two serving men of the house of Capulet.

- "Cyan, don't insult people," a tiny little silver-blond pleads, holding his stuffed bear to his chest. "I mean, the least you could do for me is that, if I haven't yet reported you for raping me." The multi-colored haired boy smiled and flicked the end of the smaller's nose.

- "You take me for some shady figure who dares not insult my enemy, Cerry?" The younger nodded. "You're so cute! COME ON! I wanna take you behind the building, if ya catch my drift."

- "If we're angry, Cy," said Ceres flatly. "You'll pull out your sword, and I cower in the corner. AND GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!" Cyan giggled and hugged the small boy close to him, messing up his baggy and long bright butterfly t-shirt with a bright orange cami-top on underneath it.

- "Get your head outta the sand, Ceres~ I know you can be tough," the bigger boy added, "Remember? Cancun? I don't think I've ever been more turned on."

The smaller boy blushed, and his dark blue eyes narrowed. The elder's sparkled in delight, the perfect shade of chocolate reflected the sun's light.

- "I told you I could be provoked easily," Ceres tried not to stutter.

- "Now fast enough to get out of my ecstasy grip." A bright red flush covered his face now, and Ceres scoffed.

- "I could move fast if the Montague bastards upset me." Cyan rolled his eyes. "I could take a superior position above you with how good my sword techniques are."

- "Aww, that's so cute!" Cyan gushed his love for Ceres. "You think you could hold your own in a fight~." He leaned closer, his lips inches from Ceres' small earlobe. "Never forget this: I will always top you."

- "GYAH! You treat me like a woman!"

- "But you are the woman here, Cerry!" Ceres hand raised and he slapped Cyan. "Ouch!"

- "Mark my words, when the time comes, I'll show everyone," the small boy ranted to himself. "I'll kill all Montague's men and throw his ladies to the wall!"

- "You're so sexy when you're planning out murder."

Ceres gave his 'companion' an off look.

- "You really are insane." He went back to his plotting, "I'll cut off all the ladies' heads, and show them off like prizes. Either that, or I'll rape them."

- "But you're gay…" Cyan stated. "With me. If anyone should be raped, it's **you** by **me**."

- "…I hate you." Cyan let out a gasped and pointed. Approaching them on the streets were two servers from the Montague house: a red-brown haired lass who took name after a wine, and her 'fuck buddy' whom talked giddily to her.

- "If you be man, draw they sword, babe," Cyan stated. Ceres hastily pulled out his sword as the two Montague servants approached them.

- "I've got your back, Cy,"

- "No you don't."

- "You're right." Ceres put his sword away and clung to his teddy bear. Cyan gave a small nod, and watched the two stare at them.

- "Is killing legal?"

- "That servant commits crimes of fashion, so yes." Cyan sneered in reply and Ceres stuck up his middle finger. Angered, the serving girl from the house approached.

- "What the hell are you doing?" she scolded motherly. "Flipping me off! Well I've got sentence for you: FUCK YOU!

- "With an exclamation point!" said the blond boy to her right.

- "Xavier, shut the fuck up!"

- "Yes, Chardonnay." Cyan and Ceres started making a whipping action, indicated that Donnay had Xavier whipped.

- "Do you wish to fight, gaywacks?" Donnay placed a hand on her hip.

- "I wish YOU'D get a MAKEOVER!"

- "Burn!" Cyan high fived Ceres. "But seriously," Cyan said. "If you fight, my buddy and I are ready."

- "Really guys?" Chardonnay asked. "Really?" Then enters the light brown haired maiden of the Montague house by the name of Miette. She watches from a distance.

- "Really." Cyan stepped in between the angered Chardonnay and Ceres.

- "IT'S TIME FOR YO MOMMA!" Cyan stepped forward.

- "Yo momma so short, you can see her feet on her driver's lincense!"

- "Yo momma so fat, you need two cameras just to take one picture of her!" Finally, Miette stepped in between the two, and pushed them away.

- "Okay, guys, seriously?" Miette called, placing her hands on her hips. "This isn't cool. No more fighting. Especially with shitty yo momma jokes like this."

Then, from over the hill, came a man with dirty blond hair. He looked like one of those cliché fairy princes, and his name be Kai Capulet, cousin of the Capulet's 'son.'

- "YO! MIETTE!" Now citizens were taking notice. "Hey, shawty, why you bein' like this?" The man turned to the female. "You bein' a coward, shawty. So prepare to face death! Or the wrath of my awesome kissing skills!"

- "Kai!" The French lass exclaimed. "I'm trying to keep peace. I don't feel like dying… Or kissing you." Kai grumbled in complaint. "But, I will not let you kill me." Miette drew an awesome pink sword from her belt.

- "You talk of peace as if you weren't by blood the Devil." Miette scoffed.

- "Kai!"

- "I'm sorry, babe, I love you!" The male tries to kiss the Montague's cousin, and she pulls away.

- "How dare you!" The citizens have had enough. They gather around with bats and knives.

- "Bats and swords and guns and knives!" they chant. "Our city has had enough! Down with Montague! Down with Capulet!"

- "We're fucked," Xavier and Cyan said simultaneously. Don face palmed, and Ceres shook violently.

From the house down the road, the chanting carried over into the windows, and was heard by the Lord of the house, Adriana Capulet. Adriana flipped her black hair, and her dark eyes glowered out the window.

- "Ah, shit." The lady, Kaoru, with his black hair and light colored eyes, looked up from his book. "Get me a gun, Kaoru. We have a problem." The two traveled to the center of town where the problem started, and saw the entrance of sworn enemies, Lord Yale, the cross dresser, and his Lady Skyler.

- "It be the Capulet lass, Adriana!" Yale squeaked out and his behind Skyler.

- "It'll be fine!" Skyler gave a heroic pose. "I'LL SAVE YOU!"

- "Damn transvestite…"

The commotion gained the attention of Prince Matthias. The semi-blond, semi-green haired boy approached the crowd, and gave a loud whistle.

- "Draw thy swords!" Prince Mattias said, raising a hand. "Okay, guys, this has gone on long enough! Blood is found daily on the streets, and the citizens are upset by this. If I catch any of you fueding, I shall have you put to death!"

An eerie silence grew.

- "Adriana Capulet! You and your house shall come with me! I'll visit with Yale Capulet this afternoon." The streets began to clear, and Yale let his death grasp on Skyler go. There stood Yale, Skyler, and Miette there when everyone left.

- "Speak, niece," Yale cooed. "What happened?"

- "Well, Ceres and Chardonnay were all in this yo momma fight, so I broke them up." Miette said. "Then stupid Kai comes up and insults me. Ugh! What do I see in him?"

Lady Skyler gasped, and placed a hand to her forehead.

- "Where is dear Calista, niece?" Skyler moaned. "Have you talked to her?"

- "I haven't seen her for a while. She seems down," the French girl told the two.

- "I've noticed too… My poor baby!"

- "Do you know the cause, Un-."

- "That's AUNT to you!"

- "…Okay, AUNT Yale." Miette twitched. "Do you know the cause?"

- "Nope."

- "You mean you didn't make her tell you?"

- "That's your job." Then, as if on cue, entered a fair, yellow haired maiden who is dressed in a man's royal garb. "There," Skyler said. "Talk to her."

- "Fine!" Her uncle and 'aunt' left, and Miette approached her dear 'cousin.' "Hey, Cali."

- "Hi." Calista glanced around. "What time is it?" Miette pulled out her phone, and laughed.

- "Only nine, girly," the cousin told her.

- "I guess I've been wallowing in sadness for not long," Calista said emptily.

- "Why so down, _mon ami_?" Miette removed her beret, and redid her hair.

- "I'm no longer favored by Yasuo," Calista said, and Miette gasped.

- "How harsh!" Miette squawked. "Why so?"

- "Cupid is stupid, and Yasuo said we had nothing in common," Calista sobbed. "It must be a culture thing." Calista cried. "Should I laugh?"

- "No, but you SHOULD get a serious spa day." Calista's pal tugged on her arm. "Come on!"

- "I dare not think about him, cousin," Calista continued. "Cupid missed him. But where did the arrow go?"

_

* * *

Act I, Scene II_

Away at the home of the Capulets, was Lord Adriana meeting with the kinsmen of Prince Mattias, Alyce. Alyce was a maiden of blonde hair with a black undertone, and a very demanding way.

- "Stupid freaking cross dressing gaywad Montague."

- "Okay, yeah, sorry you guys hate each other and all," said the cat-eyed maiden. "But, hey, I have an idea!"

- "What?" Adriana groaned.

- "How about I marry Ike!" Adriana gave Alyce an off look.

- "He's young and stupid."

- "All the better."

- "You know what they say: you marry young, you divorce early."

- "They say that?" Adriana and Alyce shrugged, rolling their eyes and continuing with their conversation.

- "Okay, he's the deal: if you win over my son-daughter-thing, you may wed him."

- "Did I mention I'm related to Prince Matti?" Adriana's eyes widen, and an evil smile spread across her face.

- "Pshaw, fuck the winning over his/her/it heart thing, you've got his/her/its hand in marriage!" Adriana clapped her hands, and a little girl with black hair appeared. "Kaori! Go out and find people whose names are not Montague! SCRAM!"

The black haired servant named Kaori sighed and walked outside. Walking into a salon, she sighed as the girls chatted cheerfully.

- "Yoo hoo! May I have your attention?" Dead silence. "Lord Adriana is hosting a aprty, and if you are not Montague, you may come. Thank you."

After watching the small child walk out, Miette grinned. Her head began to spin with ideas. She silently eyed Calista, who was busy with her pedicure.

- "I say we go," Miette told her cousin. Calista's blue eyes widened.

- "But we both bare the name Montague," said the cousin of the Frenchie.

- "But Yasuo shall be there! Shall you not try to patch things up?"

- "I guess…"

- "And then I'll show you some REAL hotties."

- "It better not be Kai Capulet." Miette flushed. "I will go to prove you wrong," says Calista, flicking her bangs back. "But there is no other for me but Yasuo."

The narrator, that's me, is hiding behind the door of a nearby bathroom. I let out a soft chuckle, and laugh myself into a silent coma.

- **That's what she thinks**, I smile bitterly and take off.

* * *

Cyan is creepy, Adriana has a son who is in a dress, and Yale makes such a good lord.

Another damn OC fic? Sorry, but it just didn't seem to work of any of the Making Fiends couples for canon characters in my head.

By the way, I have the book next to me, if you're curious. It's right here. See? *waves Romeo and Juliet*

Romeo + Juliet © William MOTHERFUCKING Shakespeare  
Cyan, Ceres, Matthias © Rhe'anne Lynn aka ME  
Adriana, Kaoru, Kaori, Miette, Kai, Calista, Yale © pabutte'GO  
Chardonnay, Xavier, Skyler, Alyce, mentions of Yasuo © .abzavenue.


	2. Act I: Scenes III, IV, & V

**O Romeo, Where Art Thou?**

Summary: The story of Romeo and Juliet, twisted, and made into awesome perfection. With me as the narrator, what could possibly go wrong? EVERY-FREAKING-THING!  
Rating: T+  
Warnings?: OC Story, insults, offensive content, killing, people being stupid, Cyan rapes Ceres, cross dressing, making out, swearing, and 'yo momma' jokes. This chapter is interrupted a lot by me.

_

* * *

Act I, Scene III_

Lady Kaoru appeared in the kitchen to see his son's 'nurse' preparing a drink for herself. The black haired man saw the dull brown haired boy take a sip, before questioning him.

- "Nurse Josiah," Kaoru said. "Bring me Ike."

- "_As I swear I was a virgin at the age of twelve_," the mute nurse signed. "_I will bring you your son, but I know not where he is._"

- "Fine." The nurse cringed at Lady Kaoru's harsh tone. "I shall call him. IKE!"

Entering through the double doors, Ike stepped forward, an extremely pissy expression on his face, causing his eyes to appear the darkest shade of green. He stands there in an orange gown and headdress. He looks at me with anger in his gaze, and his voice sharp with venom.

- "I fucking hate you, ReaRea." I shrug him off and make him continue with the story. "You called, Father?"

- "I wish to speak with you alone," Kaoru eyed Josiah. "Leave, ma'am."

- "_He's not even fourteen._" Kaoru nodded.

- "He shall be in two weeks and a few days," the father of Ike said. His nurse groaned.

- "_I will hear what you say, sir_," Josiah signed, with a bored look crossing his face. Kaoru sighed.

- "Very well. Ike," Kaoru said. "Tonight, we are hosting a party. You shall meet Prince Matthias' kinsman, Alyce, who you are to wed."

- "Wait! Ugh, did Adriana give someone permission to marry me?" Ike coughed. "I'm a man! I can pick my own bride!"

- "Not in that dress," I say quietly, and Josiah, Kaoru, and Ike glare at me. "Pardon me."

- "Rea does have a point," Kaoru said. "You are playing Juliet."

- "_Marry?_" Josiah imitated a spitting action. "_As if you and Kaoru have a say to whom he marries._"

- "THANK YOU!" Ike said.

- "_It be I who does, for I took care of him as a child!_" Kaoru scoffed.

- "Your lucky we even kept your mute ass around!"

- "_If it were not for me, Lady Kaoru, your son would be dead!_" Josiah groaned. "_For God sakes, he learned about intercourse from me!_"

- "That is enough, Josiah," Kaoru looked at Ike. "What are your views on marriage?"

- "Why does it matter now? Seeing as I'm going to be forced into it anyway." Ike sighed and told them "I seriously don't want to be tied down."

- "Well, too bad. Start thinking about your future… You'll be a father soon!" Kaoru sighed. "Alyce, the valiant, seeks your love."

- "You told me." Josiah looked shock.

- "_How the hell did you hook her up with that?_" Josiah pointed to Ike, and Ike felt offended.

- "I don't know what she sees in him."

- "_She's perfect! Like… CHOCOLATE!_"

- "I KNOW!"

- "I won't like him."

- "Can you try, Ike?"

- "Get me out of this dress and yes."

I look up from my book and glare.

- "No. Ike, you stay in that damn dress."

- "Then he goes unloved." The door opened, and the chef who is named Peaches walks in.

- "The guest are here, Lady Kaoru."

- "Come now, Ike. The part is waiting." Josiah tapped Ike on the shoulder and signed to the blond with blue, green, and black streaks in his hair…

- "_Seek happiness tonight, boy…_" Ike smiled and nodded.

_Act I, Scene IV_

A group of partygoers were approaching the Capulet house, and alongside them was the yellow haired Calista, her French cousin Miette, and Bonita, a kinsman of the Prince. All are wearing masks.

- "Okay, so, if we get caught, here's the story…" Calista went over with Miette and Bonita.

- "It doesn't need to be your life story," Miette criticized.

- "Okay, well," Calista mumbled. "I don't think I'm up to this."

- "Just a dance with a guy, _chica_," Bonita flipped her extremely brown hair, and her gold eyes glimmered. "Pretend you are Cupid…"

- "But Cupid has hurt me," the yellow haired girl told the Latina princess.

- "Such a lover," Bonita commented, shaking her head. "You feel your love to Yasuo is true, but trust me, it's fake."

- "Love hurts."

- "Love is rough, but you gotta be rough right back!" Bonita cheered to herself. Miette cleared her throat.

- "Hey, retards. Knock on the door so we can get it."

- "Give me the light to light my way home."

- "EXCUSE ME! What did I just say?" Bonita slapped Calista. "Er… _Lo siento,_ Cali."

- "Can I tell you guys you are both so embarrassing?" Miette sobbed.

- "Can I tell you all about my dream?" Bonita started to rant and rave on and on about her dream.

- "BONITA! SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Calista screamed.

- "They have opened the door," Miette says. "Come, girlies, let us go!" They marched into the house and the door was closed.

_Act I, Scene V_

In a corner, four servers of the Capulet house sat: Peaches, Alyx, Kaori and Tito. All are cleaning up after the giant feast.

- "Where is Soren?" Kaori sneered. "The blond haired demon is suppose to take these dishes back and clean them. All I've seen of him is removing the stupid wooden centerpiece."

- "This food was quite distasteful, if I may say," Peaches told herself. "I did not do well tonight. Though they ate it all like pigs." The peach skinned girl flipped her orange hair.

- "Alyx! Tito! Remove these stools! Peaches, take these cups into the kitchen!" They all did as she said, and Kaori called to Peaches, "And save me a piece of cake!" When the two boys returned, Kaori clapped her hands. "Tito! Alyx!"

- "Yes?" Alyx said, flipping his black hair.

- "Go to the great hall and manage the ball. You are wanted."

- "We can't be both here and in there, Kaori!" Tito grabbed Alyx's hand. "Come, boy, let's go."

Entering the hall, Tito and Alyx saw Lord Adriana, her cousin, Saeran, Kai, Lady Kaoru, and Ike standing on the stage, and Lord Adriana grabbed the microphone.

- "Good evening, guests!" The black haired girl smiled, and the crowd cheered. "Tonight, we shall forget our troubles and celebrate life! Dance with thy lady, and walk about! No fights tonight, or you're dead!"

Everyone stayed silent.

- "What the hell are you waiting for? DANCE!" The music started out, and everyone tried to find a partner to dance with. The fire truck haired Saeran turned to his 'cousin.'

- "Ay, it's been a while since we had dance?"

- "It has." Adriana chuckled. Ike, pissed about the dress still, glanced across the audience and locked his dark green eyes with shining blue orbs. He relized that the owner had been staring at him for a while, and he glared at her, turning his back.

- "Stalker." Suddenly, Alyce popped out of nowhere.

- "A dance, my bride?"

- "EXCUSE YOU?" Regardless of protest, Alyce dragged Ike off for a dance. Calista's eyes watched as the boy swore about everything. Her heart was beating fast.

His eyes were like pine trees, a ring of dark brown on the outside, and on the inside, dark green. His hair was a fair blond with many colors mixed in. His figure was manly, and it confused her that he wore a dress, but she did not care. He was hot.

- "Excuse me?" she turned to Alyx. "I need to know the name of the boy being taken hostage against his will with that knightly woman?"

- "Him? I don't fucking care." Calista looked at him. "I know not his name, I mean."

- "His hair is like a butterfly's wings, and his eyes like a forest of trees in winter," Calista raved. Alyx rolled his eyes.

- **We got a crazy**, he thought bitterly.

- "His personality, from what I tell, is like flames…" Calista ranted on, and Kai's eyes widened in shock. He turned to his page, a tan girl with dark brown hair, and spoke with such a harsh voice.

- "Grab me a gun! I hear a Montague!" The page nodded and she left, and Adriana approached her angered family.

- "What the hell is going on, Kai?" she asked, pissed at his loud tone.

- "Fucking Calista Montague is here." Adriana laughed a fake laugh, and then turned to me.

- "Do I have to say this?"

- "Yes." Adriana's dark eyes match mine, and I give her a cheeky smile.

- "Ugh, ya know, everyone in Verona brags of how she is a gentleman, and how her youth maintains her beauty and yada, yada, yada…"

- "She will not be endured."

- "LIKE HELL SHE WILL!"

- "Adriana Sofia."

- "HEY!" I raise an eyebrow and smirk, and she sighs, "She will be welcomed, and if you cause trouble, I'll kill you."

- "I'm going to my emo corner…" Kai murmured.

- "STAY THE HELL OUT OF MY EMO CORNER!" Saeran yelled from the stage.

Meanwhile, Ike had 'accidently' pushed Alyce down the stairs and ran off. Calista had been the only witness to this event, and 'followed' (aka stalked) Ike into the center of the dance floor. Tapping on his shoulder, Ike gasped, turned around, and punched her in the chest.

- "Oh shit. I'm sorry. I thought you were Alyce."

- "Very well," Calista muttered, falling down. Ike reached out and grabbed her hand, pulling her up.

- "I must say, you are very stunning," Ike told her, bringing her hand up to his lips. Calista stared at him.

- "Why are you in a dress?" Ike points to me, and Calista looks over. "Oh."

- "I must say so, don't I kiss by the books?" Calista rolled her eyes.

- "Cocky much?" Ike paled and Calista smiled. "Your lips should be used for prayer…"

- "WAIT A GOD DAMN MINUTE!" I stomp out, and point. "YOU IN THE DRESS!" Calista and Ike exchange looks. "Ike, I mean… You should be saying **Juliet's** lines!"

- "Pshaw, fuck that. I'm a MANLY Juliet."

- "I thought she was manly to begin with…" Calista said. I slap my forehead.

- "Ay Caramba!" I exclaim. "This is going to end horribly…"

- "Can we just get to this kissing scene?"

- "Pshaw, hell yeah." I walk off, and Ike and Calista smile in triumph. I jump back out. "Psych!"

Josiah walks over to us and spots me, and rolls his eyes. I smile and leave, and Josiah sighs.

- "_Your father wants a word with you,_" Josiah signed, eyeing Calista warily.

- "Who's the dad?" Calista asked.

- "_Adriana Capulet._" Dragging Ike away, Calitsa blinked. Then fainted.

Walking away from Calista, Ike ran a hand through his hair.

- "I wonder what her name is…"

- "_That be your mother's foe's child, Calista Montague._" Ike gasped.

- "Oh, woe is me!" he exclaimed. "My love is my blood foe!" Josiah just nodded. Leading her away, Adriana approaches Miette who is helping Calista up.

- "Come on, we are going to have some cake."

- "Oh, uh, _merci_, good sir, but we must be on our way."

- "Did you just call me 'sir?'" Miette gulped and dragged Calista out of the house.

- "My life is my foe! OH WHY?" Calista mumbled.

- "Shut up!" Miette grumbles. Then she turns to me. "You suck at writing, ya know?"

- "I know, but this is so much fun to write." Miette growls.

- "I advise you stay away from Ike Capulet…" I smirk with a gleam in my eye as Miette tells her friend this. My eyes are plotting again.

- **That's what you think**… And to add a reference to my favorite anime, a purple aurora surrounds me, and I give them all a creepy grin.

- "Kolkolkolkolkolkol…"

**END OF ACT I**

* * *

My plan is to attempt to do the entire play. If anything, I might combine some of Act II and Acts III-V.

Again, I do not own Romeo and Juliet.  
Adriana, Miette, Kai, Kaori, Kaoru, Calista © pabutte'GO  
Alyx, Saeran, Peaches, Alyce © .abzavenue.  
Ike, Tito, Bonita, Josiah, Migdalia © Me


End file.
